About Me

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One of my favorite lines in Alice In Wonderland is "and WHO are You?" That is a great question to which I would have to answer -I am a mother, a wife, a sister and auntie, an accountant, runner, friend, cook, consumer, reader, photographer, and daughter. I live in the life of a farming family, I love to travel.... too many things to try to pick just one and I would never want to try, these are the things in life that make me tick. I am who I am, you get what you get, and I love my life. In other words... "It is what it is".

Friday, October 14, 2011

Nora Jane DePriest has entered the building.....

     We have waited for her arrival and she did not disappoint us - and Elizabeth and Billy have much to be thankful for, as do all of us that love her at first sight, she is a keeper.

     I could have told you, and actually did tell Steve, that if you give Elizabeth any challenge in life, she will rise to the occasion.  Well, I guess that is pretty much what you could say happened as Elizabeth went to her Doctor appointment at 39 weeks and was told that the baby just wasn't ready yet.  These words are not what you want to hear when you have waited for long enough for your little one, and I believe Elizabeth took it upon herself to prove that Doctor wrong.  Approximately 24 hours later, on October 14, 2011 Nora Jane DePriest - 7 lbs. 6 oz. and 19 inches long, entered this world.  Nora Jane is the first grandchild of Chuck and Patti DePriest (Billy's parents) for Debi Kingston (Liz's mom) and my brother Mark, who would have loved the experience of being her grandfather.  The stories of our lives, with my brother in them, have become so much more important to me since his passing and Nora Jane is one of those reasons why.  She will need to be told the stories of "fitty pish" being "born ready" and knowing exactly what "hands over head" are going to mean in her life, but there are so many that are up for that challenge.  Nora is the first great grandchild for my parents, Don and Carol Ann Chambers, and from all indications she is healthy and ready to begin her life, and we are all thrilled to have her as the newest addition to our family.


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

60th Birthday Bash



     It turned out EXACTLY as I had hoped it would, and Steve was surprised more than just once.  I had been planning this party for a year and at the end of the weekend I lay my head down at night and SMILED.
The Birthday Boy - the big 60!
When I picked up the kids are the airport on Friday and took them to the ranch I could not believe the look on his face when he saw Macee.  He knew something was going on, but wasn't sure.  Step 1 - I had pulled it off and he was smiling.
Dylan, Macee and Christine enjoyed the surprise!



We had friends from as far as Riverside, San Diego and the kids from Colorado.  We had family, parents, Uncles and nieces and nephews - it was the BEST.  Friends old and new, some we hadn't seen in years showed up - we all had one thing in common, we loved this man.  For one entire weekend, Steve was the center of attention and he so deserved that.  Steven is a good and honorable man - a friend to everyone and  as he said numerous times during the weekend shiiiiiiiiiiit it was great to see everyone and spend the time together. I really appreciated everyone keeping the secret and then being there to enjoy the fruits of my labors - I'd do it again in a minute and I smile every time I think of the entire process.  A GREAT time was had by all.....
Mimi, Timber and Papa

The two men in my life.....

Lib and Doug - so glad they joined us.

Makenzie #2 :)

Aly, Kevin, Christine, Sue, Brian & Carter, Rob and Makenzie, Timber, Steve, Macee, Carrie and Dylan - the crew.....

 The P-A-R-T-Y planner of the year!!!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

A SURPRISE is a coming......

     Steve will be 60 in a few days - I keep saying that over and over because it really doesn't seem true.  If you know my husband at all, you know that a surprise isn't something that is in his vocabulary, and certainly nothing that would also include numerous friends and family telling stories about him.
     So - that is exactly why I planned a huge surprise camping trip for the weekend to Lake Cachuma group area, with just 50 or 60 of his friends coming.  I am having Macee and family fly in from Colorado, the other kids will come and still to this day, I don't think he has ANY idea.
     He really has no idea what so ever, yet right under his nose I have been shopping and packing and ordering and planning, texting and figuring and oh, we must not forget - spending money.  I have been sneaking away to get liquor, which by the way you can order online from BevMo and they will have it boxed and ready to put in your car - just so you can minimize the time you have stolen away from your "normal" life :)  I have ordered camping gear and sleeping bags and pop up tents and I have them stashed in the back of the Blue truck in the yard, right under his nose.  I have food for days, and liquor for weeks and party supplies that could start a small party shop - I have had a BLAST!  I have gotten RSVP by phone and text and in person (in code) right while he sits beside me.  There have been times that I was so excited that someone was coming that I started to say something and then had to completely make up another story because I almost told the secret.  It has been fun.
     So in a few days we will have been planning to go away on a camping weekend with our friends the Nooneys and then in the mean time I will sneak away to pick up the kids are the airport in Santa Barbara.  I want it to be fun - I want it to be relaxed and I don't want him to be angry.....  We will see :)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Ready, Set, Goooooooooo

     I leave in three days for the Cedar City 1/2 Marathon.  I am excited.  I believe I have prepared an adequate amount, I think the weather should be swell - Steven is going with and we will try out the tow of our new jeep by the motorhome.  We will use some of the KOA gift certificates my brother gave me as one of the final gifts I received from him - I miss him alot lately, but he will run with me and I will leave some of him at Cedar Ridge this visit - he enjoyed when we went there last.

     I think it is a very good way for people going through grief to return to places and enjoy and remember times that they were last visited with people we love, I know it has worked for me.   Mark found Utah to be as special as I did, he was fasinated with the fact that Phillip found a place that fit him and his needs and we talked many times about fly fishing trips and camping - talking about times we had spent doing that together as young children always brought a smile to Marks face.

     Anyway, the run is scheduled and I feel really good about it.  The only thing that has me a bit worried is the altitude, but I think that getting there a bit early and having been in the area and run numerous times before, it won't be an issue.  I am hoping not at least.  I continue to check the weather, I am most definately a fair weather runner, and it looks to be GREAT.  It is Homecoming weekend for SUU and I plan to see some of the people that I have met over the years of visiting, if only in town while shopping.  We will take the dog back to Phillip, and that will be hard - she has been with me since June and I have begun to really love our walks together.  Phill misses her terribly and it will be good to get them back together.

     So, I will continue to run a bit before we leave and carb up some - I am anxious to see how I do and I have given myself three rules.  1.  Do not fall down  2.  Have fun  3.  Try to finish in 2 1/2 hours.
     We will see..... I'll keep you posted.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

17 years and I can still hear her voice.

     Stacy Lynn Williams Jones - it is the anniversary of your passing today and I'd like to toast a glass of very fine wine to you my friend, and I remind myself of the ways that I miss you still each and every day.  Some of the times and reasons that I miss you are:
  1. When I eat popcorn.
  2. I hope that by this time in our lives you would have stopped smoking, but whenever anyone lights up a cigarette - I smile.  (I know I shouldn't, but I do)
  3. When Flower Festival time rolls around.
  4. When someone announces that they are pregnant.
  5. When I taste a really nice wine in a really clean glass.....
  6. When I see that Korey and Kristin have grown into such wonderful people and I am so happy that I am allowed to continue to share in their lives.  It seems like so very long ago.....
  7. When the wind blows.
  8. When I find a gray hair.
  9. When I watch redecorating shows or cooking shows on TV.
  10. When I see our mothers together - it was suppose to be that way for us.
It has been 17 years - they would have been different years for me I believe.  There is a hole in my heart that has never been filled, I miss you my friend.

  You weren't even around when BFF was coined but, you are mine.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A trip, an apartment and a new baby on the way.....

     Baltimore in August - an exciting thought and I made it happen just before having to return to school near the end of August.  Elizabeth and her Maryland family were having a baby shower, I wanted to attend so I made it happen.  I wanted to check to see how Liz was doing - I can only express my elation upon seeing that she is "large and in charge" :)  Not too large, but the appropriate "large" for a baby that will be here in about 8 weeks.  Such an exciting time.  It was our first official visit in recent times that neither of us had to attend to memorial things, and we were both excited about that.  It turned out to be everything I had looked forward to and more.  A baby shower, some time out to dinner, time to visit at the house, a nice morning run, some humid weather, a trip to see Vic and her new apartment and the surrounding area where she has settled, some tears and some laughter - a good time was had by all.

     Victoria is well.  She looks great, sounds even better and that smile that lights up a room was seen more often during this visit than it had been seen in recent months.  She is living the good life.  Single, employed, busy, and in a downtown Baltimore apartment complex that made her Aunt jealous!  Restaurant and bar downstairs, over looking the Baltimore yacht club, within walking distance of chic and upcoming restaurants and bistros - life is good for Ms. Vic.  We ate dinner at "Nacho Mammas".  Vic was scheduled to work and Liz is pregnant but Billy and I enjoyed a couple of signature margaritas and we all enjoyed dinner.  There was laughter - noticeable laughter, and that was a great thing.  The chips came to the table in a hub cap - my brother would have liked that.

     Liz and Billy were great hosts and I enjoyed my time with them.  It is good to see that they are both so excited about the arrival of this new baby.  I think that Billy got much more excited once the shower was over and he could investigate the new baby things.  We decorated, hung clothes, smelled the little baby stuff and had a really nice visit.  This new baby will be good for them, they are ready.

     This new baby will be good for all of us.....

Sunday, August 21, 2011

"Farmers Wife" like in a real farm? Yes.......

     It never ceases to amaze me that to this day when I mention something, anything about farming - people still look at me and say, "farmers wife, farming... like in dirt and tractors and stuff?"

Harvesting lettuce
     I suppose I take for granted that it is what my husband and his family have done for over 65 years in this valley, and as I type this, even I find that impressive and the years staggering.

     There are over 3200 acres of farm land just west of Lompoc City proper, that is know as "The Valley" that have in years past been farmed with beans and flowers of numerous varieties. They are now however farmed by my family mainly with vegetables such as lettuce, broccoli, cauiflower, celery and artichokes.  The following pictures are of a day that I noticed more activity than usual and I had my camera with me.  There is often much more activity and at times much less, but there is always something going on and I can attest to the fact that there is lots to do, schedules to follow and deadlines to meet in order for all of us to eat wonderful fresh, clean and tasty produce.
I suppose I really do take all this for granted, I love the smell of freshly chopped fields, and I love having access to the field fresh vegetables but it's hard work and Steve loves making all this happen. He's a very hard worker.
 Big John Deere tractor

     There is something about the process.  The working of the land, the digging in the dirt, the planting and watering and watching things grow, then the harvest and then starting all over again.  It is basic in a sense and then complicated in reality - the way the rows go, and the water flows, how much yield you can get and then let us not forget - the weather.  Before Steve I never paid much attention to "the weather" but now, I know it is an important piece to the puzzle.

     There was a time before I was married to Steve that has become a topic of conversation in our marriage.  Coming from Lompoc and then leaving Lompoc for awhile it became clear to me at some point that "the Valley" was a huge part of me.  During a time in my life that I was truly unhappy, I use to envision going down to the valley and just putting my hands in the dirt.  This became such a desire at one point, that on a trip to Lompoc with the kids, I actually went down and walked a field, put my hands in the dirt and as sad as it seems, I cried.  I believe that it had to do with the whole "roots of my being" feeling that all of this, that I had known my entire life and was important to me, had been slipping away in my life, and just putting my hands in the dirt and smelling the smells of some things that grounded me, made it all better.  I had no idea at the time, but that field that I walked and threw dirt clods in, belonged to Steve and the Guerra family.
       Shortly after that visit to Lompoc, I returned for good from Southern California - with two very small children, but minus a husband.  I returned to "plant" my family here and watch them grow, it was not at the time where I really wanted to be, or so I thought, but it was safe and easy for the kids and I - little did I know that in the next two years I would realize what a wonderful move it would become.
     I didn't know Steve when all of this was happening.  I find it very ironic to this day that the whole "putting my hands in the dirt" thing actually had anything to do with him.  I thought it had to do with my dad - he had always been in construction and dirt work, not farming, more like building, but I have always been able to close my eyes and remember how he smelled everyday when he came home from work.  He smelled like the earth - like dirt, not bad, just earthy, and I believe that my desire to just get back to basics and the honesty of simple things, the straight and narrow of life, was what I had been lacking and so needed to find again. 

     It worked, I found myself again and then two years later I certainly found it in Steve.

     And that is how I became - the farmers wife......   :)





Tuesday, August 16, 2011

No, No, No, and No.....

     Nine weeks ago I thought I was so saturated with food and alcohol that I changed my lifestyle and at this point I can say for the better!
     No sugar, no coffee, no bread, no alcohol and lots of walking and exercise.  It has worked, I think I flipped the skinny switch and I feel absolutely wonderful - I am 15 pounds down, I walk 2 miles everyday and I run 3.5 miles every other day.  I have signed up for half marathon September 16 and I do believe I will reach my goal.  I sleep better, I feel better, I think I look better - I have a better outlook and I have been able to work through many things in my head during my daily exercise -
     Life is good....

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I wasn't done talking to him yet.

     This past weekend I started to look into buying new golf clubs.  Initially I would have called Mark and gotten the low down, instead I emailed Nate and Mikey to see what their thoughts were.  It wasn't my first choice, but it would have to do.

     Sunday I had this terrific idea, (because it is nearing the time for me to return to work) to bake some pies.  I have a new double oven, I could go crazy, why not?   I have realized lately that my blogs have pretty much been about Mark and "The Journey" but I really do love to cook!  I continued on my research for recipes for big pies, little pies, pies in jars, pies on a stick maybe, all flavors, hopefully some that are better for you than others, but pies none the less.  I found myself wanting to talk to Mark about this as well, but instead I got out his cookbook.  You see, when he passed away all I really wanted was his cookbook and I had glanced thru it a few times, enough to notice that it always falls open to the pages about Thanksgiving turkey, but I really wanted to read it now.   This turned out to be mostly a bad idea.  I came across recipes in his hand writing, pages he had marked that I wondered - did he make this soup, or was he going to make this soup?  There were grocery lists, and measurements and just papers with random words, there were pages from magazines and newspaper clippings from the Sunday morning Oregonian of things he must have liked and saved in the book.  I could imagine him sitting reading the paper on Sunday morning, talking to himself about the state of affairs the world was in, and then savorying the food section, we were very much alike in that respect, and we always saved it until last - "read the doom and gloom" he would say, "and then get down to the meat and potatoes".   He was funny like that.   I wished we had talked more about recipes, we spoke almost every day, but I find myself more often than not, whispering to myself during these days, "I wasn't done talking to you yet".

    The book is my cherished posession from my brother, it tells many tales, we spoke about it often and the things he cooked for the kids are in there, little tid bits of knowledge about cooking and the world can be found between the pages, but it ALWAYS makes me cry.   This too shall pass I continue to tell myself.  Not the memories or the sneaky smiles or words of wisdom that I can hear in my head in that big red cookbook,  but the crying - you see as Mark would say "we are ugly cryers",  my answer to that would be,  I don't care how ugly I am when I cry - at least I can cook!

     So, there were no pies that day and I am still on the quest for new golf clubs - but I made a killer artichoke dip and we all thanked Marky boy for it!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Princess found a Prince that turned in to a toad.....

but she is still a wonderful, fabulous Princess.

     I've just returned from a five day visit with Christine in San Diego and we had yet another wonderful time, gosh I love that child.  As a mom there are times when you just need to check on your kids, take a look into their eyes and see what is really going on instead of that over the phone conversation.  I can tell right away when I see my kids, what is up, and of course they pretty much know it.   I can tell in their voices when a visit is really necessary.  I took the train down to visit, which in itself is a vacation because the riding down the coast right on the beaches of California is a great treat, relaxing along the way is even better.

     We went to a Padres game, we had drinks with her friends downtown, we laughed and walked and had a great time.  Her friend Patrick even showed me his "brick". (That's for another blog).

     Our main excursion on this visit was to drive over to Phoenix because Christine needed to visit her dentist that she had been seeing while living over there, and I had made an appointment for a check up as well, since I was going along for the ride.   It was the first time Christine had been back to Phoenix since her break from Jeff.  I knew she was anxious about it - she was in love with that man and her heart was broken a bit from the relationship, she had lived the good life.  On the drive over, we had discussed the relationship again, maybe a more length this time because she was over the teary part, had a bit of anger in her, but was still so resolved in her decision - and I can tell she is happy.  It wasn't easy leaving Jeff, who really is a wonderful man and he was very, very good to her in many ways - he was very giving to her and all of us - he knew how to show us a great time.  But..... he was forever going to live in Phoenix and my daughter is a beach girl.  I believe that at some point Christine will have children, maybe only one, but at least that.  Jeff was NEVER going to have any more children, he has a wonderful son, Jordan and that was it. So these two things were breaking points in their relationship and Christine walked away from the multiple million dollar houses, expense accounts and weekly flights between San Diego, Phoenix, Utah, Seattle, Las Vegas and moved into her own place in San Diego, leaving with a friendship she will always remember but leaving with something even greater than friendship for her, self esteem and the knowledge of making choices with your soul sometimes and not your heart.  It was hard for her, but I am so very proud of her for choosing what she believed in instead of taking the easy road and being unhappy.  Jeff is still our friend, he is in contact with all of us and he and Jordan are a part of family to us - he just wasn't the Prince that my daughter so deserves :)


     Another interesting twist to our trip - Phoenix had a "haboob" a random sand storm that we could actually see driving in from California as it slowly crept over the Phoenix valley and surrounding areas.  It was 108 as we drove into the city limits, then it was as if it was the end of the world.  It got dark, windy - things blowing all around, rain and the temperature dropped to 80 within seconds - you could not see the city or surrounding buildings from the highway - it was weird.  Maybe it was this, or the drive, but Christine felt physically sick to her stomach.  She said that the memories and smells and feelings were a bit overwhelming and I was then so happy that I had made the trip with her.  We checked into our hotel, it was still dark and gloomy but hot as hell, we walked across the parking lot to Applebees and had dinner and a drink.  We spent the weekend, talking and exercising, swimming and sitting by the pool and then checking into our dental appointments.  We made some new memories of Phoenix - the haboob came and went, and so did we.  Home to the good life, where million dollar homes are still noticeable on the hill, where work still looks us in the face everyday, but - where happiness lives.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Time flys and stands still all at the same time.

     It's been exactly 6 months since my brothers passing, and I still look at his pictures and utter the word, shit.....
     It isn't as if I didn't know it was coming, I have pretty much marked everyday this year with the same gauge, such as  - one month before he got really sick, during the month he was really sick, right before the end, the end, the week after his death, one month after his death......  You get the picture.

     It's been hard and I suppose because I am now off for the summer and the memorial services have been concluded, the friends and family have gone back home and my house is empty so I just get to be alone with my thoughts.  Sometimes too alone.  It has it's ups and downs, I have been thinking about my health which is a good thing because since the beginning of 2011 it has been a real challenge for me to put one foot in front of the other, much less put on my running shoes and get motivated to do much.  But, 24 days ago I started a no caffeine, no sugar, no flour, no soda, no alcohol, kick and I began back on the treadmill.  Today I can tell you that I am 8 pounds lighter and can run my regular 3 mile run and pretty much still want to run some more, I feel great.

     It doesn't bring Mark back, but in my small little mind I guess I am trying to do some of things that he and I talked about during our last month together - he had wished he could have conquered the hill near his house at least once in the past 5 years.  He had wished he could have lost some weight because he had tried to not because the medicines that ravished his body made him, he had wished he could walk about and see the trees and flowers and blue skies without tiring so quickly, but we all know about wishes.....

     So, tonight in honor of my brother I will break one of my new rules and pour one of our favorite drinks, Crown and Dr. Pepper and toast a man that I miss beyond comprehension because I loved him the same way.  Cheers Mark brother where ever you may be -

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Folsom Lake, Sierra Jade and the boat

 
Papa and Sierra take a dip - 4th of July 2011

Sierra is just too cool for words!

Carrie and Miriam take it dip - it was HOT.

Brents 4th of July decorations :)
He's such a stud.

We had a wonderful 4th of July weekend with Brent, Miriam and the baby at the lake and it was a wonderful time.  During our visit we went to a parade, Brent BBQ'd and we spent lots of time spoiling that cute granddaughter - it as happy times.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

They do everything bigger in TEXAS

Self explanatory :)
     We traveled with our friends Sue and Ross Nooney to Texas to visit with our friends Wendi and Warren Wulstein and see their new spread.  We were fixin to have a good time, but with such hospitality we had a fabulous time. (They say things like that there, "spread" and "fixin")  All kidding aside, it was a better time that I had imagined, we saw sights, ate, laughed, ate, rode around, ate, walked the property, ate and drank - you get the picture.  Wendi and Warren showed us around and I was impressed by how nice everyone and everything was. Texas does alot of thing right, and I loved it there.


Lake LBJ

Downtown Austin on 6th Street
Nugget the mini donkey 

     Wendi and Warren actually live in Lampassas, Texas and run their business Premco from there in a nice location down by the river that runs thru the town.  We spent one day at Lake LBJ and it was so nice to have hot weather, be able to dip into the lake for a swim, enjoy the beautiful houses and we played a guessing game as to how much they were to purchase.  Wendi fixed a great boat picnic lunch and we really had a great time.  Besides seeing the sights in Lampassas we did go to down town Austin on the day the basketball finals were on TV and Dallas was playing - made for exciting times in the 6th street bar areas, and then a nice meal at the County Line Restaurant before heading back to "Ranch 820" their place.  We were introduced to Texas wine, of which I am now a fan - and a club member (surprise)!  The Fiesta Winery was right next to Warren and Wendi's place and we went for a dinner and tasting event, they had music and that too was a wonderful time.
     I was impressed, I loved the area and I can't wait to return many times.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

It was a Memorial to Remember...

for a man we will never forget.  After months of planning and preparation, arrivals of nephews and nieces, aunts and uncles, children from coast to coast, and so many friends that it was overwhelming - we lay Mark brother to rest in Lompoc this past Friday.
It was a beautiful day, the weather cooperated to the best it could - and there must have been 130+ people here to enjoy the food and drink, friendships and stories and laughter.  Mark would have been proud, he would have been tickled to see people gathered together, talking about old times, planning on having new times together and just plain enjoying one another.



I will miss him always.  I am so happy and proud of the things he has taught me, and also for the lessons he continues to teach me about myself and our families, even now that he is gone.  But, he would have loved the way we celebrated him - friends and family, food and golf - it could not have gone better.

Appropriately during the day many people left to watch nephew Dalton play in the quarter final CIF baseball game held in town on that day as well. It was so great to be able to have the game in town, have relatives that had not seen him play were able to watch what may have been his final high school baseball game.   After an unbelievable try for a fly ball that was missed on young Daltons part that cost the team two runs, one of them being the go ahead run,  there must have been someone watching out for him as he then stepped up to bat in the bottom of the 7th with two outs and drove in the winning go ahead run to win the game 3-2.  Chaos, and all the while I KNOW Mark was watching - it was a grand day!  As Mark would say "and the crowd went wild!"

Now it is on to life as we have grown to know it.  Elizabeth will stay the week and I will watch her belly grown with my new grandniece in it - Nate will continue his stay through graduation day, continuing to make his stay something I will cherish forever.  Vic has returned to Johns Hopkins and the job she adores, and our new found Ashley - Nates girl, will start her new job tomorrow in Oregon where she and Nate will set up house and begin anew.  I really like her and hope that she continues to be good for Nate and they share continued happiness.  Marks friends enjoyed their time together with our family, hit the small white ball around in the wind during their stay - and we drank more wine that maybe we should have.  One thing I know for sure - we will "Just keep playing" at the game of life that Mark loved.  We will do it for Mark, and maybe more importantly, we will do it for ourselves because it is what he would want.

Cheers Mark Brother - I love you!

Friday, May 6, 2011

A little Pomp and Circumstance is a GREAT thing.....

     It's graduation time!  One year ago today we all sat proudly, Mark Brother included, to watch the 111th Commencement of Southern Utah University as Phillip graduated.  This weekend I returned to Cedar City to do it all over again as Challis Pascucci made the walk and received her degree in communications.  Phillip met Chall about three years ago and she has become a nice addition to our extended family and I was happy to be able to come and support her.  I didn't think that leaving Cedar City for a "final" time would bother me so badly,  I know I'll be back to visit but it will mean making plans for it being the destination, instead of visiting college students.  I got all teared up, I was reminded that the Mark was here just a year ago when we visited and how life continues to change.  I was reminded about how looking forward while also looking back is a constant in life.

     Phill came back to California with me with Malia (grand dog) in tow as he hopes to get a summer job in Huntington Beach.  He will attend the Memorial for Mark and Dalton's graduation the first part of June.  We all look forward to the arrival of Nate, Lizzy and Vicky and we have lots going on. It's been awhile since all the cousins have been together and when Christine arrives the "brat pack" will be complete.  It seems strange to have them continue to age, Nate being in the 30's and Mackenzee being 15 but I must say that I love the everything in between ages that they all bring to the table and it's  great to have the kids around lending a different aspect to life and all it's twists and turns.  Lots of focus being on family and activities, baseball games, travel, meals, moving of kids here and there, trying to finish up work is a bit of a struggle for me, but I love the activity and I have laughed and cried more lately than I have in awhile - I love my life!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Days like this, are why we live on the Central Coast...

When the sun is up before you are on the Central Coast of California, it's gonna be a GREAT day!
These are the days that we live for around here because we already know that the traffic is light, there are wide open spaces, places to grow, and think, and plant something.  Not so many "things to do" - no bowling, not much shopping, few movies, not many activities - but plenty of outdoor space, family time and sporting events.  I believe the reason I love to cook so much is because being in the kitchen keeps me busy, gives me something to do, to plan to create and I love that.   And when the weather is nice, there really isn't a better place to be - the air is clean and clear - you can see FOREVER - the sunshine makes people generally in a better mood, and..... life is good.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

It's been 15 years, yet seems like just yesterday

I have a best friend named Jane, she and I have been friends for over 40 years.  We were in each others weddings, have children the same age and have shared in each others lives since childhood.  15 years ago Jane's husband came home one day and said he would like their family to move to Mexico - near La Paz to start a fishing business.  Shortly after a late night visit, at least one bottle of wine, some tears, some laughter and lots of girl talk - they packed up and moved.  It took some time but we have all adjusted, I miss her being here on a daily basis, but with the internet and cell phones it isn't all that bad.  But, with their business and all our kids and just life, we haven't seen each other all that much in the past 15 years, until this weekend.
Jane's mama passed away in San Jose, California in March and over the weekend they had a memorial service for her and Jane and her family came to California.  It has been 15 years since we have seen one another, and with a huge hug, some tears and lots of laughter - it seems like just yesterday we saw one another.  I love that feeling when it just seems like you pick up were you left off talking, as if it were yesterday.   My mouth is sore from talking and laughing, we played catch up and decided that now that her youngest child will graduate from high school, we will have more time to plan to spend time together.  I think we both realized, maybe because we were saying goodbye to her mom, the importance of our friendship and how we should continue to work at spending time together.  Our families have been friends for so long, and this loss was yet another death that has been hard on my mother, she and Marge were also best friends.  Our families have a strong bond, of that their is no doubt and I look forward to working on not having our visits be so few and far between.
Marjorie Mead Thomas would have been proud to have us all together again, the weekend and our visit were not for the happiest of reasons - but we took the lemons and made lemonade and it will be a day we will always remember - as if it were yesterday.....

Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Dirty Thirty

  When you work at a school it is this time of year that you begin to taste summer!  But before you can grab ahold of that summer vacation you have to survive the final 30 days of school, or what I call "The Dirty Thirty" - it can be a great deal of fun but a day at work can also induce one of the best nights sleep from sheer exhaustion that one might ever have.  I enjoy seeing the kids get excited to 1) graduate and/or 2) move from freshman to sophomores, sophomores to juniors, and boy the juniors get crazy just thinking about being seniors next year!  It's a great time.

This year has a bit more excitement because besides being crazy busy at work I have been planning my brother Marks, memorial service.  I have a handle on the ceremony and reception after, things are all falling into place, it's the craziness I brought upon myself with painting and carpet and decorating, that is making me crazy.  I have faith that it will be finished, I will be able to collect my thoughts, prepare for guests and enjoy myself.  I won't ask much more of myself, I have done my best - I think its what Mark would want and as much as I wish I wasn't having to do it - I look forward to the final rest.  It's a good thing.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

An Easter Morning jog in the rain.

An early morning jog was just the thing to work off some of the Ah-Ru Sushi dinner from last night.  A huge prawn wrapped in shoestring potato and deep fried and a sushi combo wasn't a traditional Easter feast, but I loved it all the same.  We found a new wine from Sonoma and the "Flowers" winery, it was an excellent Pinot Noir.

So a jog this morning felt great even though the early morning rain was light, I looked upon it as an Easter cleanse, a great and glorious feeling.  I process my thoughts while I jog, it seems to make the three miles shorter, or maybe easier because I am not just thinking about putting one foot in front of the other, I am actually planning my day.  It's Easter and my church is the outdoors - while I run I talk to my friends that have passed, pray for my family and friends, and today I spoke to my brother Mark.  I have still not gone past the fantasy of thinking of each and every weather event since his passing is his doing - a rainbow; Mark did it, rain this morning; Mark did it and a glorious evening with stars and clear skies while we had a bon fire one evening last week; Mark for certain did that!

So my day today consists of painting.  Only 1/2 a day because we are bbqing beer can chicken for Easter day later on, but I have to finish up painting because they will finish up the floor tile this week, install new windows, and the carpet will be here in a few weeks.  It has been good for me to spring clean and prepare the house for Mark's memorial at the end of May.  Each time that Mark ever travelled to our home he called well in advance and let me know he was coming so I could - "prepare" for him.  New towels, finish the bar, paint that unsightly non-painted square in "his" room that bugged him each time he lay in bed.  Thanks Mark for the three month preparation for this "visit" - I have lots to do!

I wished my kids Happy Easter over the phone this morning as this may be the very first year that not even one of them is here.  A down fall to raising such independent confident children is that when they really get into their lives as adults, you have to compromise.  They all intend to be here in May, so they opted out for the Easter weekend visits this year.  Spring break for all of them was different weeks anyway making it hard to come for just the few weekend days.  I am anxious to hear about Christines day - she and her roommates and friends are hosting Easter at their house - she got a flair of entertaining from her mother I suppose as they are hunting eggs - having a cook your own on the bbq, and even a prize for the best Easter outfit - that girl loves to play dress up!  I look forward to seeing pictures.  Phill will no doubt try to get in the last few snow runs in Park City and Macee as well in Colorado, Brent will take his girls to see family in Napa, and now that Russ finally got a job it is actually hard for him to do anything else, he loves it so much.

It makes my heart happy to know that the kids are so involved in their own lives.  I have said many time to many people that I loved my kids as babies and small children, but I adore them as adults.  I guess even on this Easter Sunday while it is quiet in our home, I am o.k. with the fact that they are having wonderful days all wrapped up in their own lives, and spending their Easter doing the things that they love. Each of them has grown into an adult that I am happy to know, they are curious, interesting, resourceful and kind people and I love them to death! (Can you tell?)  So, it's not too bad to spend the day quietly painting the walls from plain white to sea foam green, making clean changes from the old to the new with a smile on my face knowing that things are right with the world.

Mark probably did THAT too!

Happy Easter Peeps!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Just when you think you can listen to music again..

it turns out that you can't.
I recently lost my brother to colon cancer, and it can be anytime, anywhere when the waterworks start to flow.  A smell, a thought of something to share, a special event, a place you'd like to visit, news of the day, something or someone that pissed you off :)  or just a plain old song, become things that you wish you could share.

During the first days I could practically hear the minutes turn in to hours and the hours turn in to days, days in to weeks, and now it has been 3 1/2 months since I last saw my older brother, Mark.  I can say his name and smile, my mind reels with memories and feelings and thoughts one after another, and never a day passes that I don't hear a song that brings me to tears.  In the frenzy of learning to let go in a way that I can manage, planning to have a memorial, dealing with family dynamics, and trying to accept something that I just really don't want to accept - I have found comfort in learning to really LISTEN to the songs of Marks life.  Shortly after a recent early morning Saturday run while listening to my iPod, I emailed out the question to family and friends - "What is the song that when you hear it, immediately reminds you of Mark"?

Amazing answers quickly began to arrive and it soon became a game of who could remember what songs, and how many. We could all remember a dance, a golf game, a wedding, a happy event, we all had a common bond with my brother, he had shared his love of music and good times and friends with all of us.   It brought a smile to my face, and a song to my heart  - and more importantly, an idea to my head.  I now have a DVD that we will have available at the memorial service in May.  A memento of a great man and the music he loved, the songs he shared with family and friends and that bring tears to his sisters eyes, tears of joy for a man she adored.

I'll continue to listen to music and remember, and cry, because when you really think about it there are worse things than crying.  You could, not remember.......
I love you Mark brother.

Monday, April 18, 2011

The things you may need the most, are sometimes elusive....

Like sleep.  Up in the morning, regular time - spend a nice day and at 2 o'clock this afternoon I couldn't keep my eyes open so I watched some food show and slept for an hour and a half.  Bad move, it is now 1:15 a.m. the NEXT day and I can't get to sleep.  Not tea or a warm shower, or TV can help, so I thought I'd try my blog.

Seems some other things are elusive as well, since I read my blog and it's been awhile since I have visited.  I suppose I need to get more than one thing in my life in order... and maybe one good thing will lead to another.
Good Night :)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Portland without my directional gyro.....

     We have just returned from the Portland memorial service for my brother.  My nieces and nephew did a fantastic job of planning, he would be very, very proud of them.  It was held at Lewis & Clark college right near when Mark first lived in the dorms during his stay there - so many memories came flooding back to me as we sat and visited with the many, many people that were so nice to have attended.

      The weekend was one of many realizations or course, Mark not being there to plan and organize us and all our activities was one of the more noticiable.  Phillip needed a shirt and Steve wanted a new jacket and after driving around for almost and hour and a half we ended up where we would have been originally had we taken a left and not a right!  We had short tempers, we apologized for those - we were lost little puppies - that, I won't apologize for - I miss my brother.  It was my first time returning to Portland since Mark's death and it was the strangest feeling to land at the airport and not have him there to pick us up.  To try to drive by memories of what things looked like as I drove around with him so many times over the past 25 years, and actually get to some destination.  It was different but even in the bad times I tried to be thankful for the things that Mark taught me without even knowing.  I knew what direction things were, I could hear his voice in my head talking, alway talking as we drove the streets of Portland and surrounding areas - he was there, he always will be and I know after surviving the weekend that he will live in my heart and mind - forever.

     Rest well sweet brother, I love you.

Monday, March 21, 2011

A baby bump in the making - Baby DePriest

     Bittersweet would be a great way to describe part of the visit to Oregon for Marks memorial.     We spent one afternoon with the kids in downtown Portland, mostly looking but some shopping was done, I think a trip to the Duck store came up - it was typical Portland weather, cold and blustery, I loved it.  During a stop for lunch Ms. Elizabeth announced that she and Billy were pregnant!  Excellent news :)
     My first response was excitement and happiness for them both and then in the form of a question "was this planned, did you know it was coming?" The answer was that they had been trying for a few months, and it finally took. Although I had frequently thought they may be on the verge of getting ready for a baby, my last conversations with both Liz and Mark led me to believe that it wasn't yet in the cards for them.  I am glad it is now.  My brother would be so very happy, over the moon would be a description he might use, tickled for them for sure, as am I.
     So, in October or there about we will have a new baby in our family - the circle of life continues.  Congrats Liz and Billy!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

A new grand baby for us!

Sierra Jade Guerra
      It's been 14 years, but we have another grand baby!  Welcome Sierra Jade Guerra to our family :)  Brent and Miriam did a wonderful job of getting her here in record time and she is BEAUTIFUL.

     We are blessed, and life is GOOD.

She is a sweet bundle.

I LOVE this baby (and I'm having a great hair day)

Steve is a very proud Papa.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Coming home

     It was a trip I will never forget.  It isn't a request most people get but it was that of my brother when he asked that I bring the portion of his ashes that are to be in Lompoc - home.  I had been in Portland for 26 days, I missed my husband, I missed my house, I missed my life - I am still missing my brother, but I was ready to come home.  I had stayed with the kids to try to help in tying up loose ends and closing down the house, spending some "normal" time together since Mark's passing.  We had even had a few very nice dinners - one in celebration of Victoria getting her new job at Johns Hopkins and the other on our final night together before we all left the next day.  It has been a huge emotional journey for me, for all of us actually and I will never ever regret the fact that I choose to spend this time with the kids, my brother and his Portland.  My nieces have grown to be AMAZING young people, spending some quality time with Billy makes me understand why Liz things that he hung the moon.  Nate is a strong guy and will do well with helping to take care of his sisters and our family in a way that will continue to make my brother proud.  Eventually, we will all be "better".
     I am still not sure what I had expected when I was asked to bring my brothers ashes home.  I do know that possibly because I was exhaused and not thinking exactly clearly, I went to my suitcase and cleared the entire thing out.  I boxed up my clothes and sent them home via UPS - I did not want my brother in my suitcase with my "under things" - that just didn't seem appropriate.  I also don't know what I was thinking in clearing the ENTIRE thing out, but I did.  So, you can only imagine the giggles when the girls and I met after our dinner together to hug good byes and exchange the ashes - which, came in a container about the size of an old 35mm film canister.  I believe it was Liz that piped in "I guess he wasn't as substaintial in size as we had thought" - it was bittersweet, it was real life, it was a huge learning experience.
     I decided to bring him home in my purse, so with my empty suitcase in hand I arrived at the Portland airport with sufficient time in case there were questions regarding my "passenger".  I had appropriate paperwork, labels etc. and I had no problems and boarded and we were ready for take off on time.
     Huge butterflies were in my stomach and as I looked out the window of the plane as we taxied down the runway and I started to cry.  I had gone to Portland to see my brother, I was leaving and would never ever see him again.  I had grown to love Portland and the surrounding areas and I wasn't now sure when I would return, or how it would be when I did.  I was ALONE for the first time in 26 days, it was a strange feeling.  I had been busy with everyone else, I had tended to everyone else, I had not spent time with myself and my feelings - I continued to cry.
     As we took off I looked toward the cemetary in Portland where my brother had a terrific view of the river, the airport, Mt. Hood and his beloved city and I whispered good bye for the last time, and I continued to cry.  The woman next to me in the seat never said a word, but at some point she reached over and held my hand - and I continued to cry.
     It was an overcast day in Portland but as we took off and went up over the clouds it was absolutely gorgeous.  The sky was so blue it hurt your eyes, the clouds white and puffy and floating around and the sun was bright and you could absolutely see forever.  I thanked Mark for the beautiful view, I imagined he must be enjoying it too.  As we continued the flight and I looked down on the beauty below and all around, it dawned on me that we were taking the same route "home" that Mark had driven so very many times.  You could see the coast of Oregon on one side and the mountains covered in snow on the other - we flew very near Yosemite, a place that Mark and I shared such a special bond over.  Down the state of California into the Bay Area, a place that Mark loved and where his favorite A's play.  We flew out over the San Francisco Bay and turned inland toward Napa and Pleasanton, places that he loved and where his kids had been born and raised.  Then into San Jose and then down over Central California where he had spent so much time, I was still crying but I was thinking what a wonderful flight Mark was having in his actual "coming home" trip.  We then entered our descent into Burbank, right near the area where he lived in Southern California as well, he was truly going home.  At some point I had stopped crying and I was smiling thinking about what a huge honor this had been to bring Mark home on his "free Southwest" air flight - he would have been tickled to know that he had gotten a free flight!
     Steve picked me up at the airport in Burbank - I was happy to be there.  I explained the trip down to him and he knew exactly what I meant, Mark loved these places.  After we continued to drive North again, visiting places that he would have known as well, we could not resist stopping at In and Out Burger.  So, with Mark in my purse we made a final trip into his beloved In and Out, he felt at "home" there as well.
     I may be crazy, but it was meant to be.  It made something that was about as painful as can be into a beautiful experience that I shared alone with my brother for the last time.
     Life IS good.
    

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

It will never be the same.....

     The Doctors gave him three to five years - he made it to five, but now he is gone.

     Mark passed away this evening and my heart is truly broken.  My heart is heavy for the people I love, my eyes constantly fill with tears.  How can tomorrows come and go day after day and he isn't in my life anymore?

     He passed peacefully and on his own time, in his own way, at his home with family around him.  It is amazing, death - just as birth is, an absolutely amazing process and I would not have changed spending the past 18 days with him for anything in my life.  I would change the outcome if I could, but it's a done deal now and I have more amazing memories of time spent with him, talking to him, traveling with him than one person should be allowed to have.  He taught me more than any one person in my life ever has - even in his passing I learned the true meaning of faith - he had it, he shared it, he never gave up, he just kept playing.  He was a hero and a trooper.

     One Christmas he gave me a plaque "I love you to the moon" - you said it Mark brother, peace to you - I will see you again, until then "just keep playing".