It isn't as if I didn't know it was coming, I have pretty much marked everyday this year with the same gauge, such as - one month before he got really sick, during the month he was really sick, right before the end, the end, the week after his death, one month after his death...... You get the picture.
It's been hard and I suppose because I am now off for the summer and the memorial services have been concluded, the friends and family have gone back home and my house is empty so I just get to be alone with my thoughts. Sometimes too alone. It has it's ups and downs, I have been thinking about my health which is a good thing because since the beginning of 2011 it has been a real challenge for me to put one foot in front of the other, much less put on my running shoes and get motivated to do much. But, 24 days ago I started a no caffeine, no sugar, no flour, no soda, no alcohol, kick and I began back on the treadmill. Today I can tell you that I am 8 pounds lighter and can run my regular 3 mile run and pretty much still want to run some more, I feel great.
It doesn't bring Mark back, but in my small little mind I guess I am trying to do some of things that he and I talked about during our last month together - he had wished he could have conquered the hill near his house at least once in the past 5 years. He had wished he could have lost some weight because he had tried to not because the medicines that ravished his body made him, he had wished he could walk about and see the trees and flowers and blue skies without tiring so quickly, but we all know about wishes.....
So, tonight in honor of my brother I will break one of my new rules and pour one of our favorite drinks, Crown and Dr. Pepper and toast a man that I miss beyond comprehension because I loved him the same way. Cheers Mark brother where ever you may be -
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