I wasn't done talking to him yet.

     This past weekend I started to look into buying new golf clubs.  Initially I would have called Mark and gotten the low down, instead I emailed Nate and Mikey to see what their thoughts were.  It wasn't my first choice, but it would have to do.

     Sunday I had this terrific idea, (because it is nearing the time for me to return to work) to bake some pies.  I have a new double oven, I could go crazy, why not?   I have realized lately that my blogs have pretty much been about Mark and "The Journey" but I really do love to cook!  I continued on my research for recipes for big pies, little pies, pies in jars, pies on a stick maybe, all flavors, hopefully some that are better for you than others, but pies none the less.  I found myself wanting to talk to Mark about this as well, but instead I got out his cookbook.  You see, when he passed away all I really wanted was his cookbook and I had glanced thru it a few times, enough to notice that it always falls open to the pages about Thanksgiving turkey, but I really wanted to read it now.   This turned out to be mostly a bad idea.  I came across recipes in his hand writing, pages he had marked that I wondered - did he make this soup, or was he going to make this soup?  There were grocery lists, and measurements and just papers with random words, there were pages from magazines and newspaper clippings from the Sunday morning Oregonian of things he must have liked and saved in the book.  I could imagine him sitting reading the paper on Sunday morning, talking to himself about the state of affairs the world was in, and then savorying the food section, we were very much alike in that respect, and we always saved it until last - "read the doom and gloom" he would say, "and then get down to the meat and potatoes".   He was funny like that.   I wished we had talked more about recipes, we spoke almost every day, but I find myself more often than not, whispering to myself during these days, "I wasn't done talking to you yet".

    The book is my cherished posession from my brother, it tells many tales, we spoke about it often and the things he cooked for the kids are in there, little tid bits of knowledge about cooking and the world can be found between the pages, but it ALWAYS makes me cry.   This too shall pass I continue to tell myself.  Not the memories or the sneaky smiles or words of wisdom that I can hear in my head in that big red cookbook,  but the crying - you see as Mark would say "we are ugly cryers",  my answer to that would be,  I don't care how ugly I am when I cry - at least I can cook!

     So, there were no pies that day and I am still on the quest for new golf clubs - but I made a killer artichoke dip and we all thanked Marky boy for it!

Being inspired....

I have been trying to keep up on this blog deal, without much luck I might add.  It seems my mind is so full of "stuff" that I don't know what to write half the time, the other half I am writing and my mind is whirling with more "stuff" to think about.  But lately I have been able to focus and enjoy a few things.

GRADUATION of Phillip - the youngest child took place on Friday April 30, 2010 with an additional ceremony on Saturday May 1, 2010 at SUU.  It was inspiring to see him all in his cap and gown, so very happy with himself for the completion of this part of his journey - he was a happy guy!  There were 11 in his immediate discipline and about 288 in the School of Business Convocation - it made my heart happy to see so many young people with such hope in their eyes, looking forward to getting on to the next part of their lives.  Phills friend Kyle was off with his girl to Las Vegas, little did she know that right in front of the Beligiao that night she would be proposed to - they were all excited for him, and ultimately them.  Challis was a huge help during the weekend of family, friends, enemies, pictures and gatherings - Phill seems to have found something special in Challis as well, making some more happy memories for all of us to be a part of.

But how did this happen so quickly?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I taught this boy to swim, to throw, to put his cup on UNDER his pants?  College graduation and a new full time job - am I really ready to let him do that?  YES!  He has worked hard, struggled with the world, himself, completion, life in general and he deserves this more than most - he has been all the way down both by beating himself there, and by others by their non support -and he has always found a way to be his own person -  enjoy this Phillip, you own it and it is yours.
Your mama is proud.