It's New Years Eve in Portland, Oregon.

     I wish I could say Happy New Year, but my heart just isn't in it.  I spoke to Steve and the girls earlier today - I am happy that they are enjoying their camp trip and New Year as much as they can, I am sad to have missed the time together.

     It has become very obvious to everyone now that Mark will loose his battle with colon cancer very, very soon.  Since arriving here I have seen the decline go from a fairly good week, to days, to now hours and I am sure we will be looking forward to minutes of decline in the progression of his disease.  He is a trooper, he has such a positive attitude it is amazing how he continues to teach me, even during this amazing time.  His love for all of us is evident in everything he does, his touch, the looks - the small times of conversation.  He is truly an amazing, amazing person - but then I hear that god only takes the BEST.

     It will be Marks 58th birthday in two days, he has lived a good life - it just hasn't been long enough.

Carrie. It's time.

It was just a week ago that Mark was sitting on top of the world, calling me from the golf course and having a grand day.

What a difference a week makes I guess because today I got the call.  "I need you here Carrie Ellen, I know it's the holidays but I can't do this without you here".  My heart sank, my throat tightened and the biggest tears welled in my eyes - and thru the lump in my throat the size of Texas I said "OK".   Thankfully he then said - "just start getting ready please, the kids are coming and mom and dad, and then I want you, can you plan on that,  please?"   The part of that I will never forget is the "please" at the end - did he REALLY feel that he had to ask me "please?"  I'll always remember the please, I hope he will always remember the "yes".

It's Pouring, I'm getting older, but I shot an 85....

     A phone conversation that cracked me up!  He's a crazy man and geez does he know how to have fun.  His trip a bit south of Portland to play golf with friends he says is really turning into a great day - despite the Oregon rain, which for some reason seemed to really bother him.  He shot an 85 and had a great time but said he can feel himself getting older, but is still wise - or course I said, along with my usual "well, tell me how it is because you will always be OLDER than me".  I mentioned that it was probably the weather, after all with all your time off recently you have become a "fair weather" golfer and he laughed and agreed.

     I am tickled about what I found this year for Mark's Christmas/Birthday gift.  While in a vintage store I found an electric train complete with the track, cars, switching box etc. It soooo reminds me of one that he had when he was young, he is gonna be so surprised.  I shipped it off and he should have it when he gets home from this little trip he is on, and before the kids arrive for the holidays.  It will go GREAT under the aluminum tree with the color carousel I got him a few years ago.  Merry Christmas Marky Boy!

     Not much else going on with us, getting ready for the holidays and Timber is coming to visit.  We will take her to Disneyland for the very first time, take our new motor home out for the trip and have Mackenzee come along to help with activities for Timber.  I am so looking forward to it.  Steven rarely takes time off unless I actually plan out things to do so I think he is looking forward to it as well.  We are a bit hesitant about taking the motor home to LAX to pick up the granddaughter, but I am sure it will work out.  Lots to do in the mean time - I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas.

Timber is coming, Timber is coming - Merry Christmas

     I bought Timbers plane ticket to come right after Christmas today, I am so excited to have her here again, and I'm looking forward to it.  We have big plans, since she has never been to Disneyland before we are taking her there with Mackenzee for a couple of days.  Then we will come back towards home and camp with a group of people over the New Years holidays, I think she will have a great visit.  We will stay near Disneyland in an RV campground close enough to walk to the park each day, I hope she enjoys it as much as I have planning it.  The girls have been emailing back and forth making plans and talking about what to do every minute of the visit.

     Last time Timber was here it was summer and it seems like forever ago.  We have been to Colorado to visit I think twice since she visited us, so it will be fun.  She and Mackenzee get along so well, it will be fun to see how they mix it up this time, you know - they are teenagers this time :)

     We will camp with the Cross family so there will be plenty of kids and they are all taking bikes, it's been awhile since we had kids running around the camp ground, we will see how excited Papa Steve is with that :)

Timber and Mackenzee @ Jalama beach.

Timber and I during our last visit. 

Smoke a Thanksgiving Turkey at the lake

     Once in a while, we find ourselves "without" five kids during the holidays.  It doesn't happen often and I am certain I wouldn't like it if it did, but this year we were alone during the Thanksgiving holiday, so we went camping.
     The kids were all getting into the snow ski spirit and thankfully work keeps them grounded at some point, so they all spent time with other family members, friends and/or each other while Steve and I packed up our new motorhome and went to the lake for a few days.  My brother and Judy had opted to spend time in Palm Springs so I would probably see them during the Christmas holidays and Steve's family was busy doing family things as well.  We invited everyone to come visit, but wanted them to understand that we were still going to be having out Thanksgiving out doors, like the Indians :)
     I found this to be actually an exciting option for Thanksgiving and bought a small turkey with all the fixings that we could smoke at the campsite and have when we wanted.  Russ actually ended up driving to meet us and eat, so we were a family of three, and had a nice day, we have much to be thankful for and I never forget to consider myself blessed.
     Happy Turkey Day everyone!

Smoked turkey @ Cachuma

Night after turkey - bacon wrapped filet @ Cachuma

Yum

Park City, Snowbird, Sundance, Deer Valley - It's all SNOW

     Utah, it has become a wonderful part of our lives.  The year that Phillip went to Southern Utah to school I began our love affair with Utah and all the wonderful things that come with it.  Now, it's winter again and Phillip is knee deep in powder in a place he absolutely loves!  I just got off the phone with him, he has been making snow this winter and they are in full swing - he says "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" and the season has just begun.  It's great to have a chat with the kids, especially when they are in good moods, the sun and the stars seem to be aligned, they are talkative and getting along with one another.  It makes a mom happy.

Phill loves Park City and so far it's loving him back :)

    

This time there was something in his eyes.

     Labor day 2010 - golf tournament play, lots of fun and laughter, yet I couldn't help but notice that Mark continued to stare off into far away places?  What's going on in that head of yours Mark brother?  It wasn't only once, I saw it numerous times and at least once, I know he saw me notice - it was as if he was drinking it all in, looking around for the last time, he eyes looked like deep pools and he was just taking everything in and filing it amongst his memories. It makes me wonder if he is feeling o.k. but then that is always something I constantly wonder and trust that if anything changes he will tell me, because he would.

     We had FUN!  We always do, and there was so much laughter that it made me forget about what I was REALLY thinking for awhile.  We celebrated with mom's birthday and the tournament and just plain being together.  Craig, Kim and the kids came by for a dinner and that was nice, it breaks my heart that both of my brothers don't feel the same way about one another that I feel about each of them.  Maybe it's youth or maybe not - but for at least one evening we were all together, and if Mark really was "drinking it all in" as I thought, then he went to bed feeling well loved and happy - that's a good thing.....

Do I hear school bells?

      It's time again.  School starts next week which means that soon all the controlled chaos that I live with in my life will soon become "uncontrolled chaos".  It begins right off the bat, all the things that I become so relaxed and scheduled about during the summer months off go straight to hell in about a weeks time.

     During the summer I get in good exercise, great eating habits, some gardening and yard work, I see the kids or at least speak with them on the phone regularly without much interruption, I make fabulous meals and leisurely shop, and take naps.....
  

Harris Ranch weekend

Pizza on the BBQ

  
      Going back to work means unscheduled eating, exercise and time that just flys by - but fun beyond words.  I love working with the kids.  I love how they think, the stories they tell, the laughter they produce and the views of the future that they are excited to share.  I love my "job" just as much as I love having summer off because it seems that in a blink of an eye each year summer will be back before I know it.  In the mean time, I work at a school where I learn more from the kids than I could ever teach them - I love their spirit and enthusiasm, they way they smile and enjoy one another and still have some innocence - they are amazing little people and they make "working" a wonderful treat each day.  It means spending less time on the maintenance part of my life but it does my heart wonders.

Ahhhhhhhh, my vacation is in full swing

     I am loving being off for the entire summer.  Long ago when I made the decision to work in a school district, any school district, because the time off would be the same as my kids - it was one of the best decisions I could have ever made.  Now that my kids are all grown and on their own, the decision gets better every summer when I wake up on that first day of summer vacation to a quiet house - no body home - just me and nothin but time.

     The bummer is, (well, maybe) that the farmers busiest time is summer, so he is gone watching the lettuce grow and I am puttering around the house just doing my thing, waiting for him to come home at night to eat whatever I have watched them make on the food channel that day :)

     I love summer!

Gypsy ran off with a lover... that's my story and I'm stickin with it

Sun bathing on the Mesa

     Our Gypsy dog, Christine's mini pin puppy got out of the house in Phoenix and is lost.  Needless to say, Christine is beyond consolation at this point and it's hard to say anything to her.  Jeff was at home, Christine was in San Diego and somehow the Gypster as we refer to her, got out and did not return.  I choose to say that she is happy and ran off with her lover - it's the best I can do for poor Christine.  I wish I could do better, that dog was sooooo cute and such a part of our lives, she will be missed and we can only be thankful that we had her in our life at all.  Bye, bye little girl, we sure loved you!

She is a cute dog

Nap time on the Mesa

A dip in the pool in Phoenix

Being inspired....

I have been trying to keep up on this blog deal, without much luck I might add.  It seems my mind is so full of "stuff" that I don't know what to write half the time, the other half I am writing and my mind is whirling with more "stuff" to think about.  But lately I have been able to focus and enjoy a few things.

GRADUATION of Phillip - the youngest child took place on Friday April 30, 2010 with an additional ceremony on Saturday May 1, 2010 at SUU.  It was inspiring to see him all in his cap and gown, so very happy with himself for the completion of this part of his journey - he was a happy guy!  There were 11 in his immediate discipline and about 288 in the School of Business Convocation - it made my heart happy to see so many young people with such hope in their eyes, looking forward to getting on to the next part of their lives.  Phills friend Kyle was off with his girl to Las Vegas, little did she know that right in front of the Beligiao that night she would be proposed to - they were all excited for him, and ultimately them.  Challis was a huge help during the weekend of family, friends, enemies, pictures and gatherings - Phill seems to have found something special in Challis as well, making some more happy memories for all of us to be a part of.

But how did this happen so quickly?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I taught this boy to swim, to throw, to put his cup on UNDER his pants?  College graduation and a new full time job - am I really ready to let him do that?  YES!  He has worked hard, struggled with the world, himself, completion, life in general and he deserves this more than most - he has been all the way down both by beating himself there, and by others by their non support -and he has always found a way to be his own person -  enjoy this Phillip, you own it and it is yours.
Your mama is proud.

Spring comes every year

No matter how long it may take, or the specific day differs each year when Spring actually arrives, its great to watch for the signs of spring, because you know its coming.  One morning you wake up and the bulbs are out, the wisteria REALLY is beautiful and when you run the mission - the snakes are out!
Yesterday I finally put the treadmill away for good, left my inside run routine  and went outside into the bright sunshine and hit the mission loop run.  It was beautiful.  The cactus have flowers, the recent rain had left the sand soft, the trails haven't been used all that much lately and its always nice to be the first footsteps along a path, it makes you feel like you are the first one at something.
As I ran along, I realized yet again that Lompoc may not have shopping, or lots to do - but it is pretty here.  And along with what we don't have also comes, we don't have traffic, crowds etc. so its nice to look around and be able to see forever because it is so clear, watch the skydivers float down from the sky, spend a beautiful day outdoors actually right outside your backdoor, and see wildlife.
Something in the path made me stop short just a few minutes in - a carcuss of something, clean to the bone lay there for all to see.  My initial thoughts, well, its been there awhile - then of course my mind wondered and I thought - I hope whatever ate that is running ahead of my and not behind.  Then of course I heard the farmers voice in my head, always telling me I shouldn't run alone, carry a gun (a yea, fat chance) run with a stick, yada yada yada.....  Well, I always just hope I can out run whatever chases me, which does not apply to the yucky SNAKES.

Rows are all about how you look at them.....

There is nothing like an early morning jog along the countryside in early Spring after a rain, and everything looks fresh, and all in a row....

As I jogged along this morning, I realize its all how you look at it - The walnut trees seem straight, until you tweak your outlook just a bit, then they are staggered, in rows in a different way, yet it all depends on how you look at them. The celery growing off Rucker Road near my house is planted in straight rows, yet as you run by, the rows changes and are straight - depending on how you look at them.

Kinda like life - things can appear to be all in order, but they are not - It all depends on how you look at them.

My run was fantastic, I crossed the river bed, which still has water in it and could listen to the squish of my shoes as I ran the rest of the way looking at how beautiful everything looks all green and growing the new flowers of spring. Life is good.... it all depends on how you look at it!

Husband(s)

The husband is gone this weekend so I have enjoyed having some time off from really cooking and just cooking for fun. Last night for dinner I made a huge fruit salad with some fruit I picked up at the local farmers market this afternoon. Papaya, grapes, tangerines, apples - I could hear in my head the hubby telling me, had I served it to him, this isn't REALLY a meal :)

I drank peppermint tea, this morning while I ate scrambled eggs with peppers, mushroom a hint of cheese and some bacon - I watched a girlie movie and played on the computer - did some laundry just to keep me grounded, and enjoyed myself immensely. Two more days of this and who knows what I will come up with, but I'm gonna enjoy having things clean, be in control of the TV remote and lay around until I think of something else to do.

Iron Chef at LHS

After weeks of anticipation the Iron Chef contest took place at the high school on Monday March 22, 2010 and Chief Wampum took third place! We had a great time and I was dog tired but excited to have placed out of the eight teams that showed up.

Our team of Gloria Bermudez - Tom Blanco - Don Cross and myself, put together our entree of a turkey/beef/apple burger stuffed with feta cheese and topped with a slice of apple and sauteed onion and apples on a roll with spicy mayonnaise sauce with time to spare in 41 minute contest. We added to the entree a cold slaw made from cabbage, carrots, sliced apples, cranberries and mixed with a apple butter lime sauce. Making our presentation on time and completely satisfied with our meal, the judges were kind and the experience was great, some thought it the best burger they had ever had and the slaw dressing was unique and wonderful.

Back to collect our thoughts and start on the dessert presentation we put together a fruit parfait to go with our burger dinner that was layered between a whipped cream amaretto sauce and included, kiwi, blueberry, apples, strawberries, and raspberries. Again, we finished before the 30 minute time limit and presented our dessert with "Brave"pride.

It was a great night - I enjoyed the other contestants, the students that helped with kitchen duties and all the people that came to watch. It was a great time!