I found myself driving to work yesterday and almost daily while I am driving up toward the Mission with the sun shining brightly, and early morning looking like an amazing day on the rise - I think of Mark. I have begun to believe that God put him in charge of the weather :) Be it a beautiful sunrise, or sunset, or unbelievable beautiful weather on our central coast - and any day that is a spectacular golf day, I want to believe that Mark has something to do with it. Anyway, what I believe and whatever it is that is true doesn't matter - what happens on a regular basis when the morning is beautiful and I find myself thinking of him, I talk out loud - really loud, to my brother. I yell while driving at the top of my lungs in the hopes that he can hear me, that he is looking down and laughing at me while I drive and talk to him.
I have learned to control this behavior because if I get too involved, I get angry. He is gone, I always wonder why, I try to justify to myself that it was for a reason (not) and that I am doing just fine. If I get too loud and crazy, people in the other cars notice, and on many occasions they know me and just give me that "crazy" smile.
He hears me, I know it - and although I am better than I have been, I am not always fine. I may act it, but I will never be "fine" with this - I miss you Mark brother - can you hear me now?
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